bite my tongue

recently i’ve been pretty consistently
up late enough (or early enough,
one might argue) to hear the
newspaper hit the front door
at four am, and i’m sick of it.
i’m tired of you being in my head
all the time, i’ve had it with your
voice replacing my own.
i get so easily fixed on beauty,
because i always feel that i don’t
have any, or that there’s none
in my life to speak of, and
you’re beautiful, that’s for sure.
and while i’m on the subject of you,
you also have this intoxicating,
addictive scent to you that lingers
on your clothes (so that on the
occations where i end up with a
sweatshirt of yours, i bundle it up
close to my face and inhale when
you’re not looking), that permeates
your hugs, makes it so hard to let go,
causes images of cuddling close to you
to flicker behind my eyes (i get a
little lost in your embrace, you could
say). so i’m sorry if i always hold on
a bit too long, i’m sorry for the longing
glances you catch me giving every
once in a while, i’m sorry if i’ve
overstepped the boundaries of
platonic affection, but it’s so difficult
to be hiding all the time, to always
have to bite my tongue.